FOR someone who is in the ‘twilight years’ of their fertility – my expression, nobody else’s – the question as to whether I have children or not is probably the most pressing for me right now.
It has suddenly inserted itself into so many decisions — from dating, to whether or not to install a wall bed in the spare room, just in case.
Unlike my granny’s generation, I’ve enjoyed certain privileges that have given me the choice to be child-free and single.
I don’t need a bloke to buy a house or open a bank account for instance.
I can earn my own money, live alone, travel the world and change jobs, own a business and conquer the world.
But there is a ticking clock and it’s reaching midnight.
Sure, if I had a spare £5,000 I could freeze my eggs and then spend a further £2,000 or so on storage every year and then another £2-£3,000 thawing them out if I decide to go for it.
But you’d have to be pretty sure you really wanted children eventually, otherwise it would be a waste — especially when you have a passport that won’t stamp itself.
The most expensive eggs you’ve ever binned or a trip to Peru? You do the maths.
Biology sets its own deadlines — whether it’s a fertility clock or the possibility of passing on genetic conditions.
Paralympian Ellie Simmonds faces a similar reckoning: not just ‘when’ but ‘should I?’ as she examines the idea of having kids in a new ITV documentary.
She was born with achondroplasia, a form of dwarfism, so there is a chance her children could also be born with a disability.
Ellie meets with doctors, geneticists, midwives, cardiologists and counsellors to gain a better understanding of the complexities, which she hopes will inform her choice and help millions of others who face a similar conundrum.
People joke about who the baby should look like, or pray they don’t inherit their dad’s sense of humour but passing on illnesses or disabilities must come with a bundle of guilt.
Even for Ellie, a gold medal swimmer, a Strictly star and BAFTA winning presenter, she has lived an exceptional life but still worries how both she and her would-be child would cope.
People who struggle with mental health issues face a similar choice.
Author Bella Mackie and husband, Radio 1 DJ Greg James have chosen to remain child free, after Bella feared that becoming a parent could wreak havoc on her mental health.
It’s the most sensible, self-aware, approach any woman could have.
Prioritising yourself and your happiness is a good thing because to be a ‘good’ mum involves a lot of sacrifice.
Sometimes, women who feel a desperate pull towards motherhood make pretty significant compromises when it came to their partners.
It’s like they were playing musical chairs and when the music stopped, they picked the closest one, even though it was rickety, stained and didn’t match their décor at home.
I rarely meet people who say they regret having children, but then that’s not something anyone would admit, is it?
It’s a privilege not to feel that desperate pull and to choose furniture that I really want without making compromises.
Like spending thousands on freezing eggs without knowing if you’ll use them, Ellie is weighing up an irreversible decision.
Would having a child be a beautiful legacy or a burden of guilt?
And how do you even put a price on that?
